The Psychology of ‘Almost’: Why Situationships Feel So Much Harder to Let Go

In a world where swiping left or right can initiate — or quietly end — a connection, many people find themselves in relationships that exist in a grey area. Not quite partners, not quite strangers. These are the ‘almosts’ — emotionally intimate but undefined connections often referred to as situationships. And for many of my clients, especially those who are otherwise decisive and successful in their careers, these ambiguous bonds can be surprisingly difficult to release.

Whether you’re an executive navigating intense demands or a parent juggling emotional labour at home, the psychological weight of an unresolved relationship can pull at your attention and energy. In this article, I want to explore why situationships feel so sticky — and what makes them unexpectedly painful to end.

The Nature of Situationships

A situationship is essentially a romantic or emotionally intimate connection that lacks clear definition or commitment. It might look like regular texting, occasional intimacy, and even moments of deep vulnerability — but without shared goals or a mutual understanding of where things are going.

Several factors have contributed to the rise of this relational ambiguity:

• Technology: Dating apps and social media create fast access to new connections while fostering short attention spans.
• Cultural shifts: There’s a growing emphasis on individual freedom and low-pressure dynamics, which can inadvertently discourage commitment.
• Emotional avoidance: For some, the lack of labels feels safer — even if it comes at the cost of clarity and emotional stability.

While these forms of relationships may appear more flexible or modern, they often generate confusion and prolonged emotional discomfort — especially when one person wants more while the other remains noncommittal.

Attachment Theory Insights

One of the key frameworks I draw upon in therapy is attachment theory — which describes how our early relational experiences shape the way we bond with others in adulthood. Understanding your attachment style can offer powerful insights into why certain patterns repeat in your relationships.

• Secure attachment: Comfortable with intimacy and independence; tends to seek mutual clarity.
• Anxious attachment: Craves closeness but fears abandonment; often tolerates ambiguity for fear of losing connection.
• Avoidant attachment: Values independence and may withdraw from emotional demands; may prefer undefined relationships that feel less pressurised.
• Disorganised attachment: A mix of anxious and avoidant tendencies; often drawn into intense but unstable dynamics.

If you find yourself stuck in a situationship, it’s worth exploring whether your attachment style plays a role. For instance, someone with an anxious style may cling to hope in an undefined relationship, interpreting any small gesture as progress. Meanwhile, avoidant individuals might prefer the emotional distance a situationship allows — without recognising the impact their ambiguity has on others.

Schema Therapy and Emotional Patterns

While attachment theory explains how we connect with others, schema therapy helps us understand the deeper emotional templates we carry from childhood — often unconsciously. These schemas are longstanding patterns about ourselves and our relationships that influence how we interpret events and behave in response.

In situationships, several common schemas may be activated:

• Fear of abandonment: “If I push for clarity, they’ll leave.”
• Emotional deprivation: “I’m used to not having my needs fully met.”
• Unworthiness: “I don’t deserve someone who fully chooses me.”
• Mistrust/abuse: “If I get too close, I’ll get hurt.”

The power of schema therapy lies in awareness. Once we identify these internal patterns, we can begin to question whether our current relational choices are reinforcing old wounds or helping us heal them. This kind of insight is often what allows clients to make different choices — not out of fear or habit, but from self-respect and clarity.

The Emotional Toll of ‘Almost’

The hardest part about letting go of a situationship is often not what it is — but what it could have been. The ‘almost’ creates an illusion of potential: just enough connection to keep you invested, not enough security to feel settled.

This liminal space can lead to several psychological stressors:

• Cognitive dissonance: Caring deeply about someone who doesn’t offer consistency creates internal conflict.
• Anxiety and rumination: Constantly analysing texts or replaying conversations drains mental energy.
• Erosion of self-esteem: Feeling unchosen or unclear about your role can impact your sense of worthiness over time.
• Avoidance of deeper intimacy elsewhere: Staying emotionally tethered blocks space for more fulfilling connections.

I’ve worked with many high-functioning individuals who thrive under pressure at work but feel paralysed when it comes to emotional decisions like ending a situationship. It’s not because they’re weak — it’s because unresolved relational dynamics touch something deeply human in all of us: the longing for love without pain.

Moving Beyond Ambiguity: Steps Toward Clarity

If you’re finding it difficult to let go of an ‘almost’ relationship, here are some steps I often explore with clients during therapy or coaching sessions:

1. Name What’s Happening

Avoid euphemisms like “we’re just seeing where it goes” if that’s not aligned with your needs. Naming the dynamic as a situationship can bring clarity and validate your experience.

2. Reflect on Your Patterns

Ask yourself: What does this dynamic remind me of? Is this familiar? Am I repeating something from earlier life experiences? Understanding your own emotional patterns gives you choice rather than compulsion.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

• Communicate your emotional needs clearly — even if it risks ending the relationship.
• Avoid partial contact (e.g., late-night texts) that reinforce false hope or prolong ambiguity.
• Create physical or digital distance if needed to process emotions more clearly.

4. Seek Support

You don’t have to navigate this alone. Therapy provides a safe space to explore conflicting feelings, understand underlying beliefs, and develop healthier relational expectations moving forward.

5. Reclaim Your Emotional Energy

The goal isn’t just about ending something unclear — it’s about making space for something more nourishing. Whether that’s another relationship or simply a deeper connection with yourself, clarity is ultimately an act of self-respect.

The Bottom Line

Situationships can feel deceptively low-stakes on the surface but carry profound psychological impact beneath. When our needs for intimacy clash with patterns rooted in fear or deprivation, we may find ourselves stuck longer than we’d like — hoping for change while bracing for disappointment.

You deserve relationships that reflect mutual respect, shared values, and emotional safety. If you’re currently navigating relational ambiguity and want personalised support in understanding your patterns more deeply, I invite you to explore my therapeutic services tailored for high-functioning professionals managing complex emotional terrain.

Ready to move beyond the emotional uncertainty? Let’s work together toward deeper clarity, confidence, and connection in your relationships and within yourself.